The Scare of Underperforming

N.B.: This was written a week after my salary increase. I just never got around to posting it.


As some of you may know, I got a salary increase. I did not ask for it. It was a merit-based increase. I was told that I went above and beyond my required tasks.

I was ecstatic.

However, right after the increase, I got scared. I was scared of underperforming. I was scared that I wasn’t good enough for my new position.

And... I started making stupid mistakes.

St-Jean 2018

St-Jean 2018. Just woah. It's hard to describe all the emotions that I went through in a single night.

La St-Jean-Baptiste or La Fête Nationale du Québec has always been an important part of my life. La St-Jean is a day to celebrate Québec’s French culture and language.

Vacation Relaxation

Vacations can be stressful for me. I like everything to be planned. Absolutely everything. I make myself an itinerary to make sure I do everything everything on my list.

Most of the time, I get it all done and feel satisfied with the outcome but in no way do I come back to work relaxed enough.

Routines and Plans

During my teenage years, I attended a Day Hospital. At the Day Hospital, I did schoolwork, did sports and attended therapy groups. One of the therapy groups given revolved around cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT).

We learned something that has helped me ever since.

Down in the Dumps

It's been hard, you know. Actually, It's been really hard.

A few weeks ago, I was up on cloud nine. I had so many projects in sight of what I had in mind for the summer.

I was excited.

I couldn't stop thinking, thinking and thinking. There was not a moment where I wouldn't give myself a break, relax and just do nothing.