During my teenage years, I attended a Day Hospital. At the Day Hospital, I did schoolwork, did sports and attended therapy groups. One of the therapy groups given revolved around cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT).
Routine.
Sticking to a routine really helps me. It helps me organize my day. It helps me get rid of anxiety because I know approximately what is happening next.
My relationships are better. My grades are better. I feel better.
However, not everyone understands my necessity of a routine. To be honest, I have some loved ones that get annoyed when I try to plan things in advance.
If there is a big disturbance to my routine, I panic.
When someone is not reliable and tells me I’ll call you at, for example 4 PM, and doesn’t answer until 5:30 PM, I freak out!
So many things go through my mind! Did I do something? Did he/she forget about me? Are the plans cancelled? Will I be alone tonight?
It doesn’t stop.
Here's a little anecdote.
When I go out with my boyfriend our routine is:
1. Call the day before we meet up to schedule a calling time the day of.
2. Call at the specific time the day of.
3. Plan pick-up time.
4. Decide where we go.
But one weekend, I called my boyfriend planning to meet the next day as per our routine. We discussed he would call at 4PM (like in my example) to arrange a pick up. I prepared everything I wanted to do beforehand.
However, I really really wanted to go out of the house in the morning but thought I couldn't. I believed that I might miss his call and not be able to see him at all. I thought, this is not what was planned. I can't do it. Too bad for me.
I tried calling my boyfriend earlier but no answer. I was on standby.
And I was panicking.
I was getting more and more upset because I couldn't control the situation. I was upset with myself.
I thought: "Why didn't I make sure of my plans?" and "Why did I feel the need to change our routine?"
He eventually answered earlier and was real nice to me considering the 12 calls I had left him.
Things did not go according to plan. We didn't stick to our routine. But we had a nice date.
Here's a little anecdote.
When I go out with my boyfriend our routine is:
1. Call the day before we meet up to schedule a calling time the day of.
2. Call at the specific time the day of.
3. Plan pick-up time.
4. Decide where we go.
But one weekend, I called my boyfriend planning to meet the next day as per our routine. We discussed he would call at 4PM (like in my example) to arrange a pick up. I prepared everything I wanted to do beforehand.
However, I really really wanted to go out of the house in the morning but thought I couldn't. I believed that I might miss his call and not be able to see him at all. I thought, this is not what was planned. I can't do it. Too bad for me.
I tried calling my boyfriend earlier but no answer. I was on standby.
And I was panicking.
I was getting more and more upset because I couldn't control the situation. I was upset with myself.
I thought: "Why didn't I make sure of my plans?" and "Why did I feel the need to change our routine?"
He eventually answered earlier and was real nice to me considering the 12 calls I had left him.
Things did not go according to plan. We didn't stick to our routine. But we had a nice date.
It comes to show that I need to learn to let go. I need to learn that days don’t have to be organized minute by minute.
Which leads to reflect what should stay in my routine and what do I need to let go of?
Still working on that one...
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