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As some of you may know, I got a salary increase. I did not ask for it. It was a merit-based increase. I was told that I went above and beyond my required tasks.
I was ecstatic.
However, right after the increase, I got scared. I was scared of underperforming. I was scared that I wasn’t good enough for my new position.
I forgot to do simple things I always did before. I felt that I regressed because of my fear of underperforming.
As I am writing this, I’m on my way to work. I feel so anxious that I’m starting to feel slightly nauseous. I want to do well today but I always make a mistake.
The worst part is that I think by making these small mistakes, I’ll be fired. Irrational, right?
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Back to the present.
I still make mistakes but I’m trying to let go. What’s hardest is not to compare myself to other newcomers at my job.
I know I’m good at my job. My contract was even extended! I’m just still insecure.
Feeling overwhelmed is completely fine. Acknowledging that you have insecurities is an important first step. Understanding where the insecurities come from and then doing something about it are the next steps.
This time I let my feelings pass. I put a band-aid on my emotions, you might say. I didn’t face my demons and I’ll probably encounter them again.
It’s time I find solutions next time.
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